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PREVIOUS PART

PARSING MY MIND – Part I (The American Girl)

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Something quite “foreign” happened to me… when I first came to Ukraine

Girls… who were drop-dead gorgeous were intensely curious about me…  It was like a dream come true… sitting in the midst of supermodels vying for my attention…

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What a stark contrast to the American girl…

(As per my mind…)

Even the most modest looking, unambitious American girl felt (feels) it is almost beneath themselves to spend breath on talking to such a lacking person as me… these girls seeming fed the ambrosia of the gods desired my attention…

It BLEW MY MIND! 

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At this point in time, years and Slavic girlfriends later, while still appreciative of the beauty that surrounds me, I no longer compare it to the looks of goddess…

But there is something distinctive about my experiences in these lands…

I instantly received the distinction of a man!

prom-night-couples-silhouettes

Here… in these “backwards” lands – gender roles and distinctions (and stereotypes) still exist.  Of course, some stereotypes are inaccurate and cause harm, but personally I enjoy the fact that when I walk down the street people see a man (as opposed to a woman) and not simply an androgynous person, who happens to be of the male gender.

The knowledge that I am seen as a man, gives me that little confidence boost.  (I’ll never have arguments about how women are just as physically strong as men… as I have in the USA…)

And I also find it comforting that there is a level of expectation of what a man is supposed to do and what a woman is supposed to do…

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I am still “Western” enough to cringe when I hear inaccurate (and in my mind sometimes inappropriate) limitations that this society puts on women…

But I value structure and order… and knowing definitively the role that I am assigned to play (even if it is not entirely accurate of my personal personality) is much preferred to the ambiguity of the States.

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An “odd” but clear example of such the gender distinction…

In mixed groups in Russia, men and women tend to automatically segregate themselves into men only and women only groups if the group is rather sizable.  This tendency I don’t remember observing in the USA among adult men and women.

Mixed gender interactions still occur, but there is definitely a sense of higher significance to such interactions than in my native land…

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The Down Side

A Western girl, will (gladly) tell you what she thinks proves her worth as a person.  If she is a manager, scientist, loves fondue… she will tell you all…

Many of the Slavic girls, I’ve interacted with seem almost the polar opposite…
Sometimes I just want to say… “Make yourself interesting to ME!!!

You ask them…
“Do you like…?”
– Yes/No.  (and if you are luck… “a little”) [followed by silence]

“How often do you…”
– [a number… then silence]

“What do you like about…”
– It’s interesting [then silence]

And sometimes if you are lucky they even ask about you…

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I assume this is a “gender” role thing…
Girls are not supposed to talk a lot about themselves…

But as a person who is genuinely interested in people… this can be very frustrating because I end up asking myself…

“Does this girl have anything interesting enough about her to continue this conversation?!?!”

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I can honestly say that I prefer Slavic girls, not simply because I find them prettier but because I don’t find even some of the most attractive of them – intimidating.

No-Fem

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PARSING MY MIND – Part III (My Type Of Girl)

PARSING MY MIND – Part IV (Social Status)

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