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Jaded Man's Perspective

 

I remember reading a story…

About a group of engineering students, who were giving a task of designing a car, but were not taught the underlining of gasoline powered engine…

The result was that they created a car, which ran effectively, but the operation of it’s engine, was different from conventional vehicles…

 

Since as far as I remember, I’ve been “different.”

… My interests were different…

… My “habit” of “continuously thinking,” wondering about things, wanting to understand the underlining “flow” of things was different…

… My emotional sensitivity, especially since I was a boy, was different…

Yet somehow, I was “successful” despite my predisposition towards “differentness.”

Somehow, I was able to use my “different” approach to life to find “success”!

 

 

Convergent Evolution

Sometimes Nature takes organisms, from different “backgrounds” and ‘sculpts’ these organisms into adapted forms which seem quite similar…

Before humans understood inner secrets of deoxyribonucleic acid  (DNA) markers as an more accurate means to determine how closely different organisms are related to each other, many convergent organism were considered falsely considered closely related.

But now modern knowledge of genetic, we have understood that many convergent organisms are in fact quite different.

 

What Type Of Person Are You?

myers-briggs-test

 

I have found that humans in general – generalize.  We observe and we categorize… (everyone does it to some extent… myself included).  We take a scant look at others and based on brief observation of the other, knowledge we have of his or her accomplishments and the undulations of our “gut” which we call “intuition”; we decide that a person is:

  • Happy
  • Melancholy
  • Caring
  • A bitch
  • Ambitious
  • Lazy
  • Aggressive
  • A doormat
  • Psychotic
  • Generous
  • Greedy
  • Galant
  • Workaholic
  • Selfless
  • Selfish

 

But how do we determine what type a person someone else is?  Are our methods accurate?  Are our methods free of bias?

If we were honest with ourselves, we would understand that we have a “Mental Checklist.” Or maybe more accurate a mental “Flowchart.”

Certain observations, certain behaviors mean that a certain person is a certain “type.”

And once a person is classified, rare is the person who will go back and verify whether or not the chosen type is correct.  (Although time, which precious because it’s limited, helps to elucidate the true personalities of others…)

 

In RELATIONSHIPS – each person is looking for a Certain TYPE of individual…

the shallow (and/or jaded) look exclusively for a general impression convinced that either the superficial speaks volumes (or that superficial “compatibility” is all that is possible).

The “problem” with superficial compatibility an inherent part of being in a relationship with someone else is interacting with someone else on a deep level, a.k.a. intimacy.

 

Convergent Personality “Types”…

And when you are intimate with someone else (physically, emotionally, spiritually) you start to understand, core of another, that person’s beliefs and defining values.

This core is relevant because, it’s the cores of two people which must be compatible in order for two people to have a fulfilling relationship.

 

Divergence

This is my dilemma… through a complex interaction of my innate character and life experience, a personality has been formed with me that is, I believe, quite different as the core from most, despite apparent superficial similarities to the “usual” types…

My guiding principles are simple (in my opinion)…

efficiency (but in a cosmic holistic sense)

balance (again in a cosmic holistic sense)

Of course, like all other people, I am not perfect in my adherence to my principles, but I believe that I live up to them pretty well. }

Anyways, I believe that it is difficult to predict my behavior and actions in many circumstances, because often there are many things that influence how I will act in a particular situation…

So… sometimes my reactions to two very similar situations will be quite different…

That is to say, I believe that I’m not easy to accurately categorize.  I don’t think that such “complexity” is a result of anything inherently special concerning me, but simply as a result of a need to “find myself” in the midst of a quite unique combination of my innate character and unique upbringing.

 

Superficial Matching, Yet Intimate Incompatibility…

I believe that I can find different girls, who have traits, that I find attractive (although it maybe only be superficial attraction), who are attractive to me superficially.  By “superficial” in this particular case, I mean an inaccurate “understanding” of someone else’s personality.  This inaccurate understanding allows us to “paint” (project) an inaccurate personality, which we find (irresistibly) attractive on the other person.

Eventually, though when a person’s true personality is revealed, we understand that the other person is not person we thought that he or she was.

I believe that this has led to many, if not all, of my past breakups.

 

The Flawed Search…

I think I understand, why I my past relationships haven’t worked out.  I basically am on the “Sick Cycle Carousel” of life… I keep repeating my same mistakes…

I keep looking for a “balanced” girl… someone, who can adapt to different situations, yet shares and adheres to the values that I hold most important, most dear,

but instead of finding that type of girl, I try to play “fix-her-up”… hoping that I can tweek her a bit (or maybe more than a bit) to be the girl I want…

 

I consistently have…

…found the girl, who has BIG dreams, but little commitment to follow through…

I have found on rare occasion another extreme…

… I have found the girl who is so intent in pursuing her own goals, that I felt ignored, unimportant and/or taken for granted…

On a side note – I’ve never been involved with the “super” ambitious girl (yes… I’m character stereotyping…); the one who consistently must be the best, strongest, etc…

I haven’t been involved with such a girl because I believe that our values are different –

Although I have many pursuits, have been involved in many activities and have had accomplishments my motivation was never grounded on the idea of “accomplishing.”

Instead it has usually been tied to gaining more experiences in the effort to broaden my exposure and understanding or because I believe such is necessary to be responsible, help others or prepare for the future…

Super competitive girls, seem to me, are intent on creating a sense of worth through a preponderance of achievements and a desperate need disprove a secret fear of being deemed “weak” or “inadequate”…

 

The Elusive “One”

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  • There is a preponderance of girls out there in the world…
  • There is a preponderance of beautiful girls with whom I could communicate…
  • And maybe there is even a preponderance of beautiful compatible girls out there, who would “rock my world!”…

BUT… I understand (inherently) that I have limited

  • Time
  • Emotional fortitude…
  • Emotional optimism…
  • And unfortunately in the ability to alter how I search for a potential mate (shifting my paradigm –

Would it not be arrogant for me to believe that I can be one of the few humans, who can break the tendency to seek the same type of girl / guy over and over again?)

In closing…

Deep down in my soul… I still haven’t “thrown in the towel”… I still harbor the “dream” of finding (a) the one…

but I understand that finding “the one” would truly require almost a miracle (an orchestration of events outside of my direct and even indirect influence of control…)

Therefore I’ve settled myself into the “reality” that I won’t find “Mrs. Right” anytime soon, but at least I can still find the next “Mrs. Right-now”…

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