, , , , , , ,

Cute little boy having fun with his father


Currently, I have a job in which I am receiving the highest salary that I’ve ever had!

But… as a man, who has become single again not so long ago, I struggle with the perception of my job.

I work as a governor. My job is to take care of children, while teaching them English (and proper behavior).

It’s not a very “masculine” job, but a very lucrative one…

I Like My Job

Personally, I find satisfaction with my job. I am doing work:

  • that helps others (makes a difference in lives)
  • that is stable
  • that is has a good salary
  • that allows me to live the lifestyle on my off time that I want
    (live in the city I want… do all the traveling I want… buy many of the “toys” I want… all while saving for my future)


What I Struggle With
As a Single Man… respect from women

{What I will now say will sound prejudicial and sexist… but these are my honest feelings}

First of, I will state that all cultures have standards and ideals for “Men” and “Women.”

In Western culture, this “standard” is still in flux between what we believe it should be and what we have been previously conditioned to accept as ‘correct.’ (Hence the deluge of discussion and media concerning gender issues and roles).

In Russia the standard is much more “static” (and “classical”). At least that has been my experience. Many of the women here seem to be looking for the “telltale” signs of a “masculine” man.

  • He has accessories, the iPhone, the fine clothes that radiate his affluence (or often pseudo-affluence).
  • He ‘actively’ pursues a woman (in ways many Western men have been conditioned to believe are overly aggressive).
  • He has the job that reflects his ability to command, lead, and direct



My experience (and analytical analysis) have taught me that…

First Impressions_Trimmed

First impressions are everything.


And in a sense they have to be. Of the thousands, tens of thousands, and for some of us hundreds of thousands of people we will have encountered in our life time, we don’t possess the time, energy, or even mental capacity to thoroughly understand the character of all of these people.

So it is ESSENTIAL that we Use Shortcuts – The First Impression!

For many of us we create our “first impression” mostly from key ‘personality‘ ‘indicators‘ as we have ‘learned’ from our upbringing (culture).

So… I wonder what “first impressions” ladies have of me. Some are beyond my control.

For example, the vast majority of African skin colored people in Russia are from Africa.
(We may “look” the same, but the culture of an African-American is different than an African’s; as different as a Russian’s and a German’s)

Also those whose skin complexion are similar to mine as usually students. I am not a student, I’m taking care of myself and not living on my parents’ money.

Disregarding factors inheriently not in my control, I have doubts about creating a positive (manly) impression  once I tell women about my unmasculine job.  Within myself, I feel secure in what I do for work.

And I would like to add, my “fear” specifically deals with women.  I would tell the “manliest man” what I do for work, without flinching.  (I would however be intimidated if he was a multimillionaire… but given what I know about Russian culture, most likely such a man would not be likely to intermingle with those of us in a lower social cast anyways…)

In closing… all too often I find that people get stuck.  They make their First Impressions based on certain ‘key’ ‘indicators’, but all too often forget to look for other indicators that indicate something different.

For example, millionaire Americans often are indistinguishable from average people in social settings.  The only indicators might be a very expensive accessory or intimate familiarity of an affluent social group that only such access would provide.  Of course the latter information, often requires engaging in open unassuming conversation with a person.


If you want to discover amazing people, have the BIAS that EVERYONE is interesting, until that person proves himself or herself otherwise…

These are hard words to live by, and even if you do, many people will “prove themselves otherwise”, but if you do live this way I guarantee you will:

    • meet amazing people
    • become an amazing person yourself

Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth… it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Matrix - Bend the Spoon