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shouting

In society we have a strong proclivity to believe…

Those the Shout the LOUDEST (and touch an emotional cord within) Are The Most Correct.

In many complicated issues, relationships definitely being one of these issues, there are NO SIMPLE “RIGHT” Answers!

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Relationship is akin to trying to compose a symphony (or making a delicious Long Island ice tea) – the individual components must be present in the right proportion in order to achieve a mellifluous result.

orchestra1copy

But too many people want to make a relationship either strictly an art or a science (want to be simple-minded about it).

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… I believe it’s both.  Like music, there are patterns that can be analyzed.  We know that the human ear likes some patterns based on their empirical relationship… and yet creating a timeless masterpiece still requires some as of yet unreproductable emotive “flare” which resonates with our souls…

And the following involves the logical and emotive…

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I.    You Need To Be Honest.

First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself.  What is your current feelings about yourself… Your TRUE Feelings?

Then you need to be able to honestly communicate with the other person.  Can you tell the other person…

  • Your hopes
  • Your fears
  • Your quirks
  • Your innermost desires

If you have a sense that you need to “hide” desires, some fear, anything that haunts your memory from the other person in order to be happy – you will NEVER be complete happy with this other person (because this thing will create a barrier between you and a feeling of complete bonding with this other person).

II.   You Need To Be (Mostly) Satisfied With Yourself As A Person.

With this, I don’t me the “Prep Rally” cheering for yourself façade, that so many people “paint” on themselves.  If someone is truly sure that they have something, then they don’t feel a need to tell others (prove it by words).  Because they know that when it’s time to apply that skill or trait, it will be clearly apparent.

Those that doubt need the approval of others.

III.    You Need To Be More Concern About Benefiting Others, and specifically Another Than Yourself.

Too many people are “needy.”  They have “their goals,” “their life ambitions” and as opposed to seeing a relationship as being a complete union of two people and the morphing of the individual goals and life ambitions into a common set of goals for the pair, they see the other person as a means to help “me” get “my” goals.

In other words, instead of become a team, making symphonious music, they degrade into a cacophony of two people actively completing to be soloist – simultaneously.

IV.   You Need To Communicate (Honestly)

Jazz Improvisation

Honestly, a better analogy for this idea than a symphony (orchestra) is a jazz band improvising.  The band that improvise the best have members who know each other well.  They also listen to each other and each member alters his or her play in order to accompany, whom ever is currently taking lead.

(As A Side Note – It is a Fallacy to believe that one person can “take the lead” in every situation, but it’s also a Fallacy to believe that most decisions are jointly decided.  One person intiates an idea or solution and one person (possibly the same person) decides what is done.  By the way, “agreeing with” and “deciding” are two different things.  For each relationship, the specifics of “who does what” and “when” is determined by the individuals within the couple.  But in each couple, each individual assume certain roles in different situations.)

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Don’t Believe The Hype!

If you want to be happy, don’t listen to the SHOUTS.  Most of the relationship advice that I see touted so much as “progressive” or “enlighten” and the like are really elaborate or not so elaborate masks for self-centeredness and solidarity in such self-centeredness.

How often do we see media about making someone else a better person?  It seems everything now-a-days is about “ME”, directly or indirectly.  Other people are not simply objects to make “ME” happy… they are special human beings.  People have much more intrinsic worth than strictly what they can “Do For ME”.

THIS is one trend in the modern world that greatly disturbs me.  More and more people are being objectified.  We are completing the consumeristic objective of placing a subjective value on everything, including everyone!

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In Order To Have The Fulfilling Relationships We Seek… We Must Realize That Each Person Has Instrinsic Value NOT Based On MY Subjected Feelings But On the THEIR Own SPECIAL UNIQUENESS.

 Multicultural childrenMulticultural Adults

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