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lonely

Well…

I finally got a response from the Facebook community…

But it wasn’t the one I expected.

For the most part, instead of curiousity… instead of investigation, people made jokes of my misery.

Current Condition Of My Right Eye

Overall, I’m starting to except that I might have permanent loss of sight in my right eye.  It’s not nearly as bad now as how I described it in True Love – True Friendship:  Part II, but it’s still not completely back to the way it used to be…

I can see things clearly with both eyes from about a meter away, but more than that things get blurry.  I assume this is how “near-sighted” people see.

My right eye is still quite sensitive to bright light and any sudden change in luminsity results in pain.

But I know at least that eventually the redness of the sclera and the pain will eventually go away… whether or not my sight will come back… I don’t know.  I guess in the end, I’ll be no worse than those who need to wear glasses…

(I thought about getting lasik surgery the next time I go to the United States if possible…)

My Current Psychological State

But as of now, I sit here in my flat alone.  One person expressed interest in visiting, but after she understood the severity of my condition, she has stopped communicating with me.  Most of my friends, make jokes of my eye on Facebook.  Maybe it’s simply a coping mechanism for an unpleasant sight, but this “unpleasantness” is my reality.
I received one message from a friend asking what happened to my eye, but besides that silence…

I’m starting to think… maybe the world is simply a lonely place.  On one hand, I believe there was a time (and maybe somewhere on this earth such a place exists) where people would “get into each others’ business.  I actually never have minded if people got into my business, as long as they actually cared about me.  I’ve understood that connecting with people means giving up some of my freedom.  I have always been more than willing to give up some of my freedom as long as I am not asked to fundamentally change who I actually am…

But maybe this is life.  Maybe this is my fate.  In many ways, I am to be a lonely as the orphans I have (and plan to) try to serve.  Unless “I” make effort MYSELF… Unless “I” contact others.  There will be no communication with others.

Maybe this is simply a LONELY WORLD.

 

On the bright side, my new “friends” from the volunteer club said that they would call to check up on me 🙂

Well, at least, I know that I’m important enough for someone to stop focusing on his or her own concerns and take a moment to reach out and connect with me in a meaningful way…

By the way, I’m not looking for a “Pity Party”… Maybe that is what my “friends” think.  I just thought, that I had friends for whom friendship was a two way street.  There have been those that I have supported when they are down… I thought the street would work the other way.  (Maybe such “friends” would say that I’m ‘greedy’ and ‘selfish’… “You should NEVER give Expecting to get in return!”

Well my answer is this… it’s easy to say that when you are always on the receiving end…

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